var oneLiner = new Array();

oneLiner[0]="The people aren't silent, THE GOVERNMENT IS DEAF!";
oneLiner[1]="Toughest years of marriage are those after the wedding!";
oneLiner[2]="True rejection is when your imaginary friends won't talk to you.";
oneLiner[3]="What's the most popular form of birth control? The headache.";
oneLiner[4]="You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.";
oneLiner[5]="Well this day was a total waste of make-up.";
oneLiner[6]="Well, aren't we a ray of sunshine?";
oneLiner[7]="Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after.";
oneLiner[8]="Do I look like a fu%#ing people person?";
oneLiner[9]="This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting.";
oneLiner[10]="I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.";
oneLiner[11]="Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.";
oneLiner[12]="Why don't you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control?";
oneLiner[13]="I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for 30 years.";
oneLiner[14]="Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.";
oneLiner[15]="Do they ever shut up on your planet?";
oneLiner[16]="I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.";
oneLiner[17]="Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't gone to sleep yet";
oneLiner[18]="Back off!! You're standing in my aura.";
oneLiner[19]="Don't worry. I forgot your name too.";
oneLiner[20]="I work 45 hours a week to be this poor.";
oneLiner[21]="Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.";
oneLiner[22]="Wait...I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.";
oneLiner[23]="Chaos, panic and disorder ... my work here is done.";
oneLiner[24]="Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.";
oneLiner[25]="Earth is full. Go home.";
oneLiner[26]="Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?";
oneLiner[27]="I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.";
oneLiner[28]="A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.";
oneLiner[29]="You are depriving some village of an idiot.";
oneLiner[30]="I'm not being rude, you're just insignificant.";
oneLiner[31]="I'll try being nicer if you try being smarter.";
oneLiner[32]="How about never? Is never good for you?";
oneLiner[33]="Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.";
oneLiner[34]="Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?";
oneLiner[35]="I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.";
oneLiner[36]="I've found Jesus. He was behind the sofa the whole time.";
oneLiner[37]="I like cats too. Let's exchange recipes.";
oneLiner[38]="If I want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.";
oneLiner[39]="The Bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was flat.";
oneLiner[40]="Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.";
oneLiner[41]="Allow me to introduce my selves.";
oneLiner[42]="Whisper my favorite words: \"I'll buy it for you.\"";
oneLiner[43]="Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.";
oneLiner[44]="A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.";
oneLiner[45]="How many times do I have to flush before you go away?";
oneLiner[46]="Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?";
oneLiner[47]="Too many freaks, not enough circuses.";
oneLiner[48]="Just smile and say \"Yes, Mistress.\"";
oneLiner[49]="Chaos, panic, & disorder -- my work here is done.";
oneLiner[50]="You look like shit. Is that the style now?";
oneLiner[51]="Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me?";
oneLiner[52]="I plead contemporary insanity.";
oneLiner[53]="How do I set a laser printer to stun?";
oneLiner[54]="I was only looking at your name tag, honest.";
oneLiner[55]="KENTUCKY: Five million people, Fifteen last names.";
oneLiner[56]="Life is Uncertain... Eat dessert first!";
oneLiner[57]="You can't scare me. I drive a school bus!";
oneLiner[58]="Smile, everyone loves a moron.";
oneLiner[59]="My family puts the \"fun\" back in dysFUNctional.";
oneLiner[60]="Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.";
oneLiner[61]="Next time you wave at me, use more than one finger, please!";
oneLiner[62]="I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this?";
oneLiner[63]="Don't ask me... I'm making this up as I go!";
oneLiner[64]="Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage. Lettuce pray...";
oneLiner[65]="Never wrestle a pig. You both get dirty and the pig enjoys it.";
oneLiner[66]="Don't worry about temptation--as you grow older, it starts avoiding you.";
oneLiner[67]="You're not an alcoholic unless you go to the meetings.";
oneLiner[68]="Support bacteria, it's the only culture some people have.";
oneLiner[69]="Don't play with your food, especially after you've already eaten it.";
oneLiner[70]="Who puts those \"Thin Ice\" signs out there?";
oneLiner[71]="!Scixelsyd Etinu.";
oneLiner[72]="Eat american lamb...ten million coyotes can't be wrong!";
oneLiner[73]="Work fascinates me. I could sit and watch it for hours.";
oneLiner[74]="Of course I'm in shape. Isn't Round a shape?";
oneLiner[75]="I've been in love with the same woman for many years. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me!";
oneLiner[76]="My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food... She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.";
oneLiner[77]="She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate.";
oneLiner[78]="If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?";
oneLiner[79]="Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time - I think I've forgotten this before.";
oneLiner[80]="The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.";
oneLiner[81]="Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me.";
oneLiner[82]="He who laughs last thinks slowest.";
oneLiner[83]="Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.";
oneLiner[84]="It was an accident, officer. I was cleaning my fingernails with a hunting knife. And he ran into me. Backwards. 17 times.";
oneLiner[85]="Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.";
oneLiner[86]="Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.";
oneLiner[87]="What happens if you get scared half to death twice?";
oneLiner[88]="Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.";
oneLiner[89]="Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship.";
oneLiner[90]="To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.";
oneLiner[91]="There's too much blood in my caffeine system.";
oneLiner[92]="The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.";
oneLiner[93]="The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.";
oneLiner[94]="The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.";
oneLiner[95]="Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!";
oneLiner[96]="Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.";
oneLiner[97]="Join the Army, meet interesting people, and kill them.";
oneLiner[98]="Keep honking. I'm reloading.";
oneLiner[99]="Ok, on my signal unleash hell.";
oneLiner[100]="I don't mind coming to work, but that eight hour wait to go home is a bitch.";
oneLiner[101]="A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.";
oneLiner[102]="A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.";
oneLiner[103]="A morning without coffee is like something without something else.";
oneLiner[104]="According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.";
oneLiner[105]="Dear IRS, Please cancel my subscription.";
oneLiner[106]="Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill.";
oneLiner[107]="Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like a slacker.";
oneLiner[108]="God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will never die.";
oneLiner[109]="I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.";
oneLiner[110]="I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.";
oneLiner[111]="I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.";
oneLiner[112]="If at first you don't succeed, give up, no use being a damn fool.";
oneLiner[113]="If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.";
oneLiner[114]="If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.";
oneLiner[115]="Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill because they pissed me off.";
oneLiner[116]="Boss: I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you.";
oneLiner[117]="The beatings will continue until morale improves.";
oneLiner[118]="The best part about procrastination is that you are never bored, because you have all kinds of things that you should be doing.";
oneLiner[119]="They can't fire me, slaves have to be sold.";
oneLiner[120]="Two kinds of people: Those who finish what they start and...";
oneLiner[121]="98% of us Americans are hard-working people. It's the other 2% that give us a bad reputation. Then again, we did elect them.";
oneLiner[122]="Hey look! It's the two symbols of the Republican Party, an elephant, and big, fat, sweaty guy who's afraid of change.";
oneLiner[123]="Don't vote. You'll only encourage them.";
oneLiner[124]="I used to like political jokes until so many of them got elected!";
oneLiner[125]="If the opposite of pro is con, then what must be the opposite of progress?";
oneLiner[126]="When I was young I was told that anyone could be President. I'm beginning to believe it.";
oneLiner[127]="A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.";
oneLiner[128]="Bad spellers of the world Untie!";
oneLiner[129]="Cogito ergo sumo: I think therefore I am a huge fat wrestler.";
oneLiner[130]="Ok studnets, define the Universe and give three examples.";
oneLiner[131]="Are there any experienced suicide bombers?";
oneLiner[132]="You, you, and you: Panic. The rest of you, come with me.";
oneLiner[133]="Admit nothing, deny everything and make counter-accusations.";
oneLiner[134]="Always remember your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.";
oneLiner[135]="Don't draw fire, it irritates the people around you.";
oneLiner[136]="Army: Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.";
oneLiner[137]="If God had meant for us to be in the Army, we would have been born with green, baggy skin.";
oneLiner[138]="Peace is our profession, killing is just a hobby.";
oneLiner[139]="There's a fine line between an attitude problem and thinking clearly.";
oneLiner[140]="grmmmble mmmmm.... rrrrrmmmm ....aaaa.... zzzz-zzz-zzz. *Grunt*: Amen. - The Pope";
oneLiner[141]="I don't question YOUR existence. - God";
oneLiner[142]="A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender says, What is this, some kind of joke?";
oneLiner[143]="Adam to Eve: I'll wear the plants in this family!";
oneLiner[144]="And on the 8th day God said: \"Ok Murphy, you take over.\"";
oneLiner[145]="Every time someone predicts the date of the end of the world, God pushes the date back a little, just to be funny.";
oneLiner[146]="Give me some of that old-time Religion...HAIL ZEUS!";
oneLiner[147]="I am an agnostic pagan. I doubt the existence of many gods.";
oneLiner[148]="I considered atheism but there weren't enough holidays.";
oneLiner[149]="I don't care WHO you are, you're not walking on the water while I'm fishing.";
oneLiner[150]="If God is inside us, then I hope he likes fajita's, cause that's what he's getting.";
oneLiner[151]="If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?";
oneLiner[152]="If you live like there's no God... you'd better be right.";
oneLiner[153]="In the name of the Old Man, The Kid, and the Spook, Amen.";
oneLiner[154]="In the beginning, there was nothing. And God said, 'Let there be Light.' And there was still nothing, but you could see a bit better.";
oneLiner[155]="It's YOUR hell, YOU burn in it";
oneLiner[156]="Jesus loves you, get over it!";
oneLiner[157]="Jesus loves you. Then again, so does Barney.";
oneLiner[158]="'Dear God, we payed for this food so thanks for nothing.'";
oneLiner[159]="When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.";
oneLiner[160]="All Scottish food is based on a dare.";
oneLiner[161]="For sale: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. (Got married last weekend, wife knows everything).";
oneLiner[162]="Music soothes the savage beast...unless it's polka.";
oneLiner[163]="Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.";
oneLiner[164]="Due to the confusion from too many genres of music, we have decided to put both country music and rap music into the genre of Crap music.";
oneLiner[165]="Rock and roll doesn't create psychos, it helps psychos be more creative.";
oneLiner[166]="Crew (Rowing) is the only sport in the world where an athlete is encouraged to sit on his butt and go backwards!";
oneLiner[167]="For the rich, there's therapy. For the rest of us, there is fishing.";
oneLiner[168]="Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he'll sit in a boat and drink beer all day.";
oneLiner[169]="Luge is the only sport where you can die during the event and still win.";
oneLiner[170]="Luge: The sport of lying down and trying not to die.";
oneLiner[171]="Love your neighbor, but don't get caught.";
oneLiner[172]="Thou shalt not commit adultery.....unless in the mood.";
oneLiner[173]="Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog.";
oneLiner[174]="Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.";
oneLiner[175]="If a man speaks deep in the forest and there is no woman there to hear him; is he still wrong?";
oneLiner[176]="Dyslexics are teople poo.";
oneLiner[177]="Say \"NO\" to drugs. That will bring the prices down.";
oneLiner[178]="Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.";
oneLiner[179]="Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.";
oneLiner[180]="I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.";
oneLiner[181]="Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.";
oneLiner[182]="Nuke the Whales! We'll hunt them at night.";
oneLiner[183]="Lawyers have feelings too (allegedly).";
oneLiner[184]="The box said Windows 2000 or better. So I installed Linux.";
oneLiner[185]="Save the trees, wipe your butt with an owl.";
oneLiner[186]="On the journey of life, I choose the psycho path.";
oneLiner[187]="On your mark, get set, go away!";
oneLiner[188]="What would Scooby do?";
oneLiner[189]="The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.";
oneLiner[190]="Let's skip the insults and get right down to your butt kicking!";
oneLiner[191]="I am not infantile, you stinky poopyhead.";
oneLiner[192]="If you can read this, you're not the president.";
oneLiner[193]="To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.";
oneLiner[194]="If you were born again, would you have two bellybuttons?";
oneLiner[195]="Who are these children, and why do they keep calling me Mom?";
oneLiner[196]="There's no place like 127.0.0.1";
oneLiner[197]="Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you weren't asleep.";
oneLiner[198]="I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?";
oneLiner[199]="Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship.";
oneLiner[200]="In America, anyone can be president. That's one of the risks you take.";
oneLiner[201]="Beer: It's not just for breakfast anymore.";
oneLiner[202]="So you're a feminist. Isn't that cute?";
oneLiner[203]="I took an IQ test and the results were negative.";
oneLiner[204]="Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?";
oneLiner[205]="Rap is to music as Etch-A-Sketch is to art.";
oneLiner[206]="My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her (or something like that).";
oneLiner[207]="Sure you can trust the government! Just ask a native American!";
oneLiner[208]="Never knock on Death's door. Ring the bell and run, he hates that.";
oneLiner[209]="Jesus died for my sins and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.";
oneLiner[210]="If you're happy and you know it see a shrink.";
oneLiner[211]="Worry. God knows all about you.";
oneLiner[212]="An unnamed file was not find.";
oneLiner[213]="I came... I conquered... - Helen Keller";
oneLiner[214]="Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly?";
oneLiner[215]="What if the Hokey Pokey \*is\* what it's all about?";
oneLiner[216]="You don't pay for sex, you pay her to leave after you're done.";

var sizeArray = oneLiner.length;
var randomnumber=Math.floor(Math.random()*sizeArray);
document.write(oneLiner[randomnumber]);

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