var oneLiner=new Array();oneLiner[0]="The people aren't silent, THE GOVERNMENT IS DEAF!";oneLiner[1]="Toughest years of marriage are those after the wedding!";oneLiner[2]="True rejection is when your imaginary friends won't talk to you.";oneLiner[3]="What's the most popular form of birth control? The headache.";oneLiner[4]="You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.";oneLiner[5]="Well this day was a total waste of make-up.";oneLiner[6]="Well, aren't we a ray of sunshine?";oneLiner[7]="Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after.";oneLiner[8]="Do I look like a fu%#ing people person?";oneLiner[9]="This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting.";oneLiner[10]="I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.";oneLiner[11]="Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.";oneLiner[12]="Why don't you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control?";oneLiner[13]="I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for 30 years.";oneLiner[14]="Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.";oneLiner[15]="Do they ever shut up on your planet?";oneLiner[16]="I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.";oneLiner[17]="Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't gone to sleep yet";oneLiner[18]="Back off!! You're standing in my aura.";oneLiner[19]="Don't worry. I forgot your name too.";oneLiner[20]="I work 45 hours a week to be this poor.";oneLiner[21]="Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.";oneLiner[22]="Wait...I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.";oneLiner[23]="Chaos, panic and disorder ... my work here is done.";oneLiner[24]="Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.";oneLiner[25]="Earth is full. Go home.";oneLiner[26]="Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?";oneLiner[27]="I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.";oneLiner[28]="A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.";oneLiner[29]="You are depriving some village of an idiot.";oneLiner[30]="I'm not being rude, you're just insignificant.";oneLiner[31]="I'll try being nicer if you try being smarter.";oneLiner[32]="How about never? Is never good for you?";oneLiner[33]="Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.";oneLiner[34]="Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?";oneLiner[35]="I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.";oneLiner[36]="I've found Jesus. He was behind the sofa the whole time.";oneLiner[37]="I like cats too. Let's exchange recipes.";oneLiner[38]="If I want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.";oneLiner[39]="The Bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was flat.";oneLiner[40]="Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.";oneLiner[41]="Allow me to introduce my selves.";oneLiner[42]='Whisper my favorite words: "I\'ll buy it for you."';oneLiner[43]="Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.";oneLiner[44]="A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.";oneLiner[45]="How many times do I have to flush before you go away?";oneLiner[46]="Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?";oneLiner[47]="Too many freaks, not enough circuses.";oneLiner[48]='Just smile and say "Yes, Mistress."';oneLiner[49]="Chaos, panic, & disorder -- my work here is done.";oneLiner[50]="You look like shit. Is that the style now?";oneLiner[51]="Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me?";oneLiner[52]="I plead contemporary insanity.";oneLiner[53]="How do I set a laser printer to stun?";oneLiner[54]="I was only looking at your name tag, honest.";oneLiner[55]="KENTUCKY: Five million people, Fifteen last names.";oneLiner[56]="Life is Uncertain... Eat dessert first!";oneLiner[57]="You can't scare me. I drive a school bus!";oneLiner[58]="Smile, everyone loves a moron.";oneLiner[59]='My family puts the "fun" back in dysFUNctional.';oneLiner[60]="Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.";oneLiner[61]="Next time you wave at me, use more than one finger, please!";oneLiner[62]="I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this?";oneLiner[63]="Don't ask me... I'm making this up as I go!";oneLiner[64]="Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage. Lettuce pray...";oneLiner[65]="Never wrestle a pig. You both get dirty and the pig enjoys it.";oneLiner[66]="Don't worry about temptation--as you grow older, it starts avoiding you.";oneLiner[67]="You're not an alcoholic unless you go to the meetings.";oneLiner[68]="Support bacteria, it's the only culture some people have.";oneLiner[69]="Don't play with your food, especially after you've already eaten it.";oneLiner[70]='Who puts those "Thin Ice" signs out there?';oneLiner[71]="!Scixelsyd Etinu.";oneLiner[72]="Eat american lamb...ten million coyotes can't be wrong!";oneLiner[73]="Work fascinates me. I could sit and watch it for hours.";oneLiner[74]="Of course I'm in shape. Isn't Round a shape?";oneLiner[75]="I've been in love with the same woman for many years. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me!";oneLiner[76]="My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food... She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.";oneLiner[77]="She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate.";oneLiner[78]="If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?";oneLiner[79]="Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time - I think I've forgotten this before.";oneLiner[80]="The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.";oneLiner[81]="Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me.";oneLiner[82]="He who laughs last thinks slowest.";oneLiner[83]="Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.";oneLiner[84]="It was an accident, officer. I was cleaning my fingernails with a hunting knife. And he ran into me. Backwards. 17 times.";oneLiner[85]="Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.";oneLiner[86]="Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.";oneLiner[87]="What happens if you get scared half to death twice?";oneLiner[88]="Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.";oneLiner[89]="Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship.";oneLiner[90]="To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.";oneLiner[91]="There's too much blood in my caffeine system.";oneLiner[92]="The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.";oneLiner[93]="The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.";oneLiner[94]="The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.";oneLiner[95]="Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!";oneLiner[96]="Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.";oneLiner[97]="Join the Army, meet interesting people, and kill them.";oneLiner[98]="Keep honking. I'm reloading.";oneLiner[99]="Ok, on my signal unleash hell.";oneLiner[100]="I don't mind coming to work, but that eight hour wait to go home is a bitch.";oneLiner[101]="A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.";oneLiner[102]="A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.";oneLiner[103]="A morning without coffee is like something without something else.";oneLiner[104]="According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.";oneLiner[105]="Dear IRS, Please cancel my subscription.";oneLiner[106]="Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill.";oneLiner[107]="Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like a slacker.";oneLiner[108]="God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will never die.";oneLiner[109]="I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.";oneLiner[110]="I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.";oneLiner[111]="I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.";oneLiner[112]="If at first you don't succeed, give up, no use being a damn fool.";oneLiner[113]="If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.";oneLiner[114]="If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.";oneLiner[115]="Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill because they pissed me off.";oneLiner[116]="Boss: I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you.";oneLiner[117]="The beatings will continue until morale improves.";oneLiner[118]="The best part about procrastination is that you are never bored, because you have all kinds of things that you should be doing.";oneLiner[119]="They can't fire me, slaves have to be sold.";oneLiner[120]="Two kinds of people: Those who finish what they start and...";oneLiner[121]="98% of us Americans are hard-working people. It's the other 2% that give us a bad reputation. Then again, we did elect them.";oneLiner[122]="Hey look! It's the two symbols of the Republican Party, an elephant, and big, fat, sweaty guy who's afraid of change.";oneLiner[123]="Don't vote. You'll only encourage them.";oneLiner[124]="I used to like political jokes until so many of them got elected!";oneLiner[125]="If the opposite of pro is con, then what must be the opposite of progress?";oneLiner[126]="When I was young I was told that anyone could be President. I'm beginning to believe it.";oneLiner[127]="A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.";oneLiner[128]="Bad spellers of the world Untie!";oneLiner[129]="Cogito ergo sumo: I think therefore I am a huge fat wrestler.";oneLiner[130]="Ok studnets, define the Universe and give three examples.";oneLiner[131]="Are there any experienced suicide bombers?";oneLiner[132]="You, you, and you: Panic. The rest of you, come with me.";oneLiner[133]="Admit nothing, deny everything and make counter-accusations.";oneLiner[134]="Always remember your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.";oneLiner[135]="Don't draw fire, it irritates the people around you.";oneLiner[136]="Army: Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.";oneLiner[137]="If God had meant for us to be in the Army, we would have been born with green, baggy skin.";oneLiner[138]="Peace is our profession, killing is just a hobby.";oneLiner[139]="There's a fine line between an attitude problem and thinking clearly.";oneLiner[140]="grmmmble mmmmm.... rrrrrmmmm ....aaaa.... zzzz-zzz-zzz. *Grunt*: Amen. - The Pope";oneLiner[141]="I don't question YOUR existence. - God";oneLiner[142]="A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender says, What is this, some kind of joke?";oneLiner[143]="Adam to Eve: I'll wear the plants in this family!";oneLiner[144]='And on the 8th day God said: "Ok Murphy, you take over."';oneLiner[145]="Every time someone predicts the date of the end of the world, God pushes the date back a little, just to be funny.";oneLiner[146]="Give me some of that old-time Religion...HAIL ZEUS!";oneLiner[147]="I am an agnostic pagan. I doubt the existence of many gods.";oneLiner[148]="I considered atheism but there weren't enough holidays.";oneLiner[149]="I don't care WHO you are, you're not walking on the water while I'm fishing.";oneLiner[150]="If God is inside us, then I hope he likes fajita's, cause that's what he's getting.";oneLiner[151]="If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?";oneLiner[152]="If you live like there's no God... you'd better be right.";oneLiner[153]="In the name of the Old Man, The Kid, and the Spook, Amen.";oneLiner[154]="In the beginning, there was nothing. And God said, 'Let there be Light.' And there was still nothing, but you could see a bit better.";oneLiner[155]="It's YOUR hell, YOU burn in it";oneLiner[156]="Jesus loves you, get over it!";oneLiner[157]="Jesus loves you. Then again, so does Barney.";oneLiner[158]="'Dear God, we payed for this food so thanks for nothing.'";oneLiner[159]="When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.";oneLiner[160]="All Scottish food is based on a dare.";oneLiner[161]="For sale: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. (Got married last weekend, wife knows everything).";oneLiner[162]="Music soothes the savage beast...unless it's polka.";oneLiner[163]="Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.";oneLiner[164]="Due to the confusion from too many genres of music, we have decided to put both country music and rap music into the genre of Crap music.";oneLiner[165]="Rock and roll doesn't create psychos, it helps psychos be more creative.";oneLiner[166]="Crew (Rowing) is the only sport in the world where an athlete is encouraged to sit on his butt and go backwards!";oneLiner[167]="For the rich, there's therapy. For the rest of us, there is fishing.";oneLiner[168]="Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he'll sit in a boat and drink beer all day.";oneLiner[169]="Luge is the only sport where you can die during the event and still win.";oneLiner[170]="Luge: The sport of lying down and trying not to die.";oneLiner[171]="Love your neighbor, but don't get caught.";oneLiner[172]="Thou shalt not commit adultery.....unless in the mood.";oneLiner[173]="Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog.";oneLiner[174]="Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.";oneLiner[175]="If a man speaks deep in the forest and there is no woman there to hear him; is he still wrong?";oneLiner[176]="Dyslexics are teople poo.";oneLiner[177]='Say "NO" to drugs. That will bring the prices down.';oneLiner[178]="Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.";oneLiner[179]="Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.";oneLiner[180]="I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.";oneLiner[181]="Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.";oneLiner[182]="Nuke the Whales! We'll hunt them at night.";oneLiner[183]="Lawyers have feelings too (allegedly).";oneLiner[184]="The box said Windows 2000 or better. So I installed Linux.";oneLiner[185]="Save the trees, wipe your butt with an owl.";oneLiner[186]="On the journey of life, I choose the psycho path.";oneLiner[187]="On your mark, get set, go away!";oneLiner[188]="What would Scooby do?";oneLiner[189]="The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.";oneLiner[190]="Let's skip the insults and get right down to your butt kicking!";oneLiner[191]="I am not infantile, you stinky poopyhead.";oneLiner[192]="If you can read this, you're not the president.";oneLiner[193]="To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.";oneLiner[194]="If you were born again, would you have two bellybuttons?";oneLiner[195]="Who are these children, and why do they keep calling me Mom?";oneLiner[196]="There's no place like 127.0.0.1";oneLiner[197]="Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you weren't asleep.";oneLiner[198]="I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?";oneLiner[199]="Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship.";oneLiner[200]="In America, anyone can be president. That's one of the risks you take.";oneLiner[201]="Beer: It's not just for breakfast anymore.";oneLiner[202]="So you're a feminist. Isn't that cute?";oneLiner[203]="I took an IQ test and the results were negative.";oneLiner[204]="Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?";oneLiner[205]="Rap is to music as Etch-A-Sketch is to art.";oneLiner[206]="My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her (or something like that).";oneLiner[207]="Sure you can trust the government! Just ask a native American!";oneLiner[208]="Never knock on Death's door. Ring the bell and run, he hates that.";oneLiner[209]="Jesus died for my sins and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.";oneLiner[210]="If you're happy and you know it see a shrink.";oneLiner[211]="Worry. God knows all about you.";oneLiner[212]="An unnamed file was not find.";oneLiner[213]="I came... I conquered... - Helen Keller";oneLiner[214]="Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly?";oneLiner[215]="What if the Hokey Pokey *is* what it's all about?";oneLiner[216]="You don't pay for sex, you pay her to leave after you're done.";oneLiner[217]="Remember - everyone seems normal until you get to know them.";oneLiner[218]="If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.";oneLiner[219]="Dear God, this year, please send clothes for all those poor ladies in Daddy's computer. Amen."